Holiday Dread

I was told recently that if you want things to happen you have to make them happen. Waiting on dreams to just materialize is pretty juvenile, but we all know by now that I do like to live in my happy place and avoid reality.

So, yesterday I made a decision. I'm not going to spend another three day weekend alone and bored out of my mind! I'm going to make some calls. One call might even be to 27yr old who has been making up for the week+ of quietness. Why not? He can say no or he can say yes. He can think I'm a hussy for even asking or he can think, "wow, so glad she called". Yep, taking matters into my own hands. Aren't rules made to be broken?

PS, I really don't like being dumped. Just saying!

Signs...

No not the movie...which by the way kept me up for weeks and weeks and weeks! Signs in the universe. I'm a believer so I of course think that the signs that show up in my life are the signs that are there by The Lord because I don't get it any other way! I also think that I'm given signs by my guardian angels who look over me because I'm way too much of a mess for The Lord to do it all by Himself. Yes, I know He's all great and everything, but truly, for those that know me know what a HUGE task this is so I can understand Him asking my Great Grandmother Lacy and my Great Aunt Geneva to send some signs to me.

I get most of my signs by dreams. That's the only time in my day that I'm not running my mouth and my mind is actually in a place where I don't think I know it all. So, lately I've been dreaming of relationships...with boys. Now, this isn't necessarily a new thing, but the "in a relationship" thing has NEVER happen before. I've also been having dreams about babies. If you go to dream websites it will tell you that unless you're having a baby dreaming about babies really doesn't have anything to do with babies. There's an entire list of things it means which I won't get into. For my purpose, because I know it all, I'm going to say that's a sign. I don't need everybody sending well wishes and planning baby showers, I'm saying that I think I'm going to be in a relationship with someone that has children. 27yr old texted last night and seems to think that waiting weeks to text me is acceptable behavior so I figure who am I to say different? I have no idea! So, I texted away. A sign. I received another sign today...one that sealed the deal for me...my sweet Katie who did internship stuff for us for a while is engaged. I wish I could have recorded how happy she was and that she would call and tell me (ok to be fair probably all of us at the office) was a sign to me! She is happy and she believes in love and she wants the happy ever after.

The other sign I have to be very careful about, but someone very close to me is moving and leaving my immediate life. It's someone that I rely on and someone that means a lot to me. With this move it means that I have to grow up and truly be an adult. It's scary, but it's a sign. It's time.

Did you all know that The Lord does signs in neon? Ya, ask me how I know this!

Good night...

There are times that I'm extra lonely. When the snow comes down for the first time and there's no one to share it with and snuggle with in front of the fire. Friday nights when I want to go out and eat after cooking or eating cereal all week. When it's been a really long day and I come home only to my two babies who, by the way, become very confused when I start talking to them about my crappy day. When Dale Jr takes the lead or hits the wall. When I crawl into bed each night wanting to snuggle with someone other than my sweet Baby girl. It's always the little things in my world...like an unexpected text that simple says, "good night," by someone special. I'm not so lonely anymore because I know someone is thinking of me at that exact moment in time.

Good night!

Unexpected...

So, I have a little bit of a confession to make. I thought the best man at the wedding I went to on Saturday was cute. He was black. I have never thought I would want to date a black man, but Saturday I was thinking twice. I have found in the this dating world that it's SO important to keep an open mind and try anything once...well the things that are legal of course! I'm posting a picture but it's not a very good one. He unfortunately was not my focus when I was snapping pics (although I didn't take this one either and copied it from the mother of the brides album on facebook...thanks, Janet!). I believe him to be single (he went up for the garter toss) but I don't know if he's in a relationship. I think it was just a fleeting moment...maybe...he got emotional when he did his best man toast...so sweet!

Hope...

After attending the wedding yesterday I have to say that I do know that I will get married again. I hope that it's not for a few more years, but I know what my calling is and that The Lord made me to be a wife. It was confirmed by my friend and co-worker, Brenda. She said some extremely kind words to me on our drive back to town after the wedding. In those words she too confirmed that she sees me marrying again and the Lord is waiting for His timing to bring that special someone into my life. How humbling (and scary) to know that I may or may not have met this person that I will spend my life with?

The wedding was so very beautiful and meaningful and I know that this is the love story they write about and make movies about. Alicia and Eni met in January of this year and at that time Eni knew he had just met his future bride. He felt so strongly about this that he even introduced her that very same night to others in his family so they would know his future bride also. Alicia took a little more time because she has two boys and was protective of her heart and her boys. Eni and Alicia's first date was out to eat and to a movie...with her boys in tow. She knew that if this was "the one" she needed to know how he would do with her boys. They are a family unit and you could just see the love and happiness within this family. I'm so blessed to have been invited to witness this union and to know that true love does exist!

Ps: These were the shoes I wore last nite to the wedding. I don't think my feet are made for princess moments!

Happy Ever After...

I'm going to a wedding today. Yes, I realize I'm hard on love and I sound hypocritical, but it's true, I'm a romantic at heart. I still believe the white night will some day come and save me from my boring chaotic life. I attend weddings because you witness the love of two people and think that it might truly exist! Then I remember how hard marriage was and that I kind of like eating cereal for dinner and leaving my clothes all over the bedroom and not leaving the house on the weekend because I'm into a good book...is there a balance? Isn't that what finding your "soul mate" is all about? Is love worth the risks?

I don't have the answers. I'm just going to go to the wedding in my city sky scrapper heels and my peacock earrings and ring and be the city princess I am and swipe TWO pieces of cake. Oh, and sweat my rear off because the ceremony is outside!!

No sleep...

I have found having boys in my life means that I get very little sleep. It seems the boys in my life are night owls and do not respect my princess schedule and bedtimes. Yes, I can put my phone on silent, but then I might miss something!

My snoring friend that is only a friend needed some help with a family situation. He didn't come over until 10:00 p.m. and then we even went on a little adventure...to Oaklawn...at 11:30 at night. Now, for those of you familiar with Wichita you know that is is a very scary place and I had no business stalking...I mean having an adventure...in Oaklawn at this time of night! But I will admit it was so much fun and there are CRAZY people out that time of night! It was also nice to be doing it with a friend who makes me laugh, makes fun of me and tells me like it is. I'm totally OK with my snoring friend who will never be more than a friend just being a friend!

My light bulb moment last night? Complaining about day TWO of 27yr old not calling me and snoring friend asking me why I'm always sabotaging relationships. I asked him not to talk to me for a block and then I told him I had to process that and get back to him and then told him I didn't need his tough love...and then I was up most of the night processing this and I HATE to admit...he might be right. Bugger!

Until there's a commitment....

Is it wrong to have dates, conversations, events with numerous guys? I'm working in the realm of until I have a commitment of a confirmed relationship I'm enjoying the pond. Right? I think it's important to be upfront about it. How awkward to arrive at a restaurant with a guy on Saturday only to see my date from the night before at the table across from me! Keeping the intimacy part out of the equation helps to make these times just fun, the chance to hang out and the oppurtunity to meet new people. A season of my life that I'm actually enjoying...but I think I need more fish! LOL!

Update: 27yr old didn't text me or contact me last night. Interesting. I made the first move I'll see if he's mature enough to make the second. I'm also relieved to a have my farm boy back in my world. I kind of missed him...but let's keep that between us! Snoring friend that's only a friend wants to watch another movie...debating.

When is young too young?

So, I caved and texted the guy last night my friend was trying to set me up with. SUPER nice and seems like a really great guy. We only texted, but I can already tell he was raised right! Has a great job, just bought a house, has a cat...a few texts into our conversation (yes, I still think this is weird, but for right now I'm kind of liking this weird way of communicating with someone you don't know) he told me he was 27. YIKES! I will be 38 this year! I, kinda, sorta, maybe, totally forgot, well it slipped my mind, well ok...I was freaked out to tell him my age. It was our first three hours of texting so I'm sure it will come up again. And I promise I will not accept a date with him unless we have had that conversation.
BUT, when is to young too young and old too old? Let me hear your thoughts!

Internet dating

Yes or no? I've been wrestling with this option for a while now. It seems some have great results and others have zero results. The key to success? I don't have the answer. I do know that I'm not at the place to got out and meet random guys yet. I don't know what I'm waiting for or when I'll know it's right, if ever, I just know that the thought makes me a little ill. I keep hoping that Mr. Right is just going to walk in my life without much effort on my part (did I mention I have a little bit of princess in me?). Certainly not stepping out of my comfort zone and talking to guys who I don't know, going out on actual dates with guys I don't know and giving myself the chance to meet my Mr. Right who I didn't even know I didn't know....I need to take an anxiety pill...I got myself worked up...

Must love dogs...

To me this seems like an easy thing...All guys I date must love MY dogs. I have had a few people in and OUT of my world that didn't love my dogs and were very upset with me that I treated them like my kids. It's truly a deal breaker. There are very few people that would date a guy who didn't love their kids, so why would I compromise and date someone that didn't love my dogs? And let's be honest here...who wouldn't love my dogs? The dog hair all over the apartment, Baby Sixx licking you to death, Monkey bringing you his blankets and sitting on your feet and breaking them, Monkey confusing his bones with his tennis balls and lobbing them at you, Baby kicking you off HER couch if she doesn't like you, both deciding they have the need to pass gas at intimate moments...well, ummm, ok, love might be a strong world. Must LIKE dogs!

When you know...

A friend whose a boy is only a friend. Clue one: you're invited over to watch a movie and you get all comfy, with pillows and blankets...on opposite ends of the couch. Clue two: 10min into the movie established friend is sound asleep...snoring! Clue three: as the movie is ending and he's waking up he gives you a friends phone number as "the perfect guy for me".

I probably should have left when the snoring started, but did I mention the BIG screen bachelor pad TV and oh so comfy leather couch? SNORING! Man, I'm loosing my touch! Huge hit on the ego friends...HUGE!

Reunited and it feels so good...

NOT! I've been involved with two guys now, a minute out of their divorces, that seem to still be connected at the hip to their exes! I don't get it? I don't give second chances. You hurt me your done. I realize that kids add an element of connection, but to get back together? Forgiveness is hard for me on many levels, but I still don't get the we're divorced but I will take you back and the bad times won't exsist? I will always love Wes, after 18 years I don't know how I couldn't, but it's a different love and not the love you have when your married and spending the rest of your life with someone!

My new rule is no dating a guy that's had a break up unless its 6 months out...a year even better. I just can't compete with a memory! AND I don't feel I should continue to be the one that gets them through the "tough times I've been there it gets better" phase to be dumped when everything is going great and they don't need a nurse maid anymore!

Are there any normal, good guys out there?

Do girls call?

I have been faced with a dilemma. To text a guy who I have never met, know very little about or even if he truly knows there's a chance I might be texting...or not? And is it weird to text instead of call? A friend gave me a number of a buddy who he knows will be someone I would "have a lot of fun with". Well, OK, thanks, but I don't call or text guys first! Call me old fashion but when did girls become so desperate? If a guy is interested he should make the first move! And if the guy is too shy then I know he's not the guy for me because I don't do shy! And for some reason this friend refuses to give the guy my number which makes it all the more strange and weird, right? Yes, I realize that this may be my Mr. Right and because I have "rules" I might miss the chance of a life time. But I truly believe that The Lord wouldn't put Mr. Right in my life and expect me to make the first move!? I don't even know if this guy likes dogs and if he owns a pair of cowboy boots!