Sexy Dad's

I think all of us girls have been there. We see a guy holding a baby and we melt. Well, now that I'm older it's not just babies. This comes to mind when Robert is with his daughter, Delaney. She's so smart, fun and I love when she and her dad laugh and kid each other. He goes to her soccer practices AND games. He's friends with her friends on facebook so he can be involved in her life. Since she lives with her Mom he isn't there to tuck her in so he sends a text EVERY night telling her he loves her. Seeing them together makes my heart go all funny.

I also get that feeling when Baby Sixx fights for room on the couch...right between us...and it isn't so she can make goo goo eyes at ME! And when Monkey wants nothing more than to have Robert rub his ears for HOURS at a time. They see Robert and they go bonkers with happiness and love.

I'm proclaiming and making it fact...Dad's are sexy!

Journey

I wish I could post pictures of my before and after of my breast reduction. Not to share TMI but to brag about this incredible journey I went through. Yes, I know others have gone before me, but for me it has truly been life changing!

The first part of the journey was just deciding that I was ready to have it done and making the appointment with the surgeon. I took matters into my own hands when my PCP told me that I had to loose all kinds of weight and that I had to see a PT, etc. After loosing around 25lbs and being told I had to lose another 25lbs I asked to see the surgeon and to determine how much I had to go through to make this happen. He said that he was not concerned about my weight, was so positive that insurance would pay for it I signed all papers that day!

The second part of the process was a little bit more intense. It was actually having the surgery but also recovery. I can't really say I had "pain" but the recovery process and being limited in my actions was extremely hard, especially living alone and hating to ask for help. I learned so much about myself, what I can endure, that I don't do pain well and that my Mom is the best Mom in the world! I also learned that I am blessed beyond words for all the people that care and love me!

This third part of the journey has been the most rewarding, but also the most mind boggling. None of my clothes fit. I don't have any clothes. When I started to really look through my closet to determine how I made it through the winter last year I remembered that I have always worn jackets, sweaters and anything else that would cover me. I don't think I really thought about how much I covered my girls. Now that I'm more confident I don't go to the cover up jacket but ready to wear a normal shirt and outfit.

As my BFF pointed out she would love to have a reason like this to go shopping. I agree, but I did have to pay quite a bit out of pocket for my surgery that I'm paying back. With that said, I am working on my wardrobe one article of clothing at a time along with the new me!

I've had a lot of life changing experiences in the last month. Most wonderful, but some really hard and sad. I guess that's what life is all about? I'm so thankful that I was given the opportunity to experience this journey!

In a blink of an eye

I had the pleasure of cooking for Robert and his daughter last night. Then a funny game of bowling on the Wii and then I sat and watched the two of them battle it out over all the other sports. I love watching the two of them together.

Sitting there listening to Robert curse and his daughter giggle (shes almost 14) I thought about how much my life has changed in such a short period of time. A month ago I had decided that I didn't want to date, that I was OK being alone and I was happy. In a blink of an eye I have a boyfriend and this really great adolescent in my life making me realize that I was fooling myself.

I'm so thankful I blinked!

Good-byes

I dislike good-byes. But I especially dislike them when people leave your life and you don't know exactly what you did. It especially hurts when people are hurt by something you did or said, or you made them really mad but they don't bother to give you a chance to explain or make it right. They are just gone out of your life. Most head people will say that they weren't worth your time and be glad their gone. But I feel different. I feel empty when someone was there and then gone.

This week I've lost a lot of good friends. One I didn't even know I had hurt. Two are upset because I can't make time for them anymore, another one I have no idea and the one that I can't get over blew something so very small into something so very big I can't even understander what happen?

I'm blessed for the people in my life and will continue to pray that the ones that have left will some day find their way back.

In the midst of all of this pain, I'm happy and have a wonderful boyfriend who loves me unconditionally. The big test? He took care of me when I had the flu...puking, smelled funky, crying, told him I'm dying flu!! Yep, it's LOVE!

In love

Yes, I've been MIA. That's what happens when you fall in love. You have 20+hrs on your DVR that is waiting to be watched, you forget to call your friends and check in on them, you forget birthdays, anniversary's and appointments. My entire life is on hold because I'm in LOVE. And just for the record, I kind of like it!

Mice

I've had an outbreak of mice in my apartment. When Jason, the apartment facilities main guy came to check it out he found a HUGE hole behind my stove and made arrangements to take care of it. In that conversation I said that I thought there would be more as they were babies. He asked how little and I showed him the inside palm of my hand. He laughed pretty hard and said that I must be use to field mice or barn mice. The mice I saw were "city" mice and full grown!

Who knew? Geesh! He probably went back and laughed with all the other office staff at me for saying they were "babies". Truly can't win. Either I'm a hick from the sticks or a city princess!

Never Say Never

I said I would never marry again. I said that I would never give someone my heart completely. I said I would never trust another guy. I said that no good guys existed. I said that I would never say I love you to a guy.

Never say never.

The L Word

I love a lot of things. I love chocolate, Pepsi, cupcakes, little puppies and kittens, the smell of infant babies, when it rains, when it's Saturday night and you realize you have one more day before you have to go back to work. I love my family and friends. I love God. I say "I love ya" to so many people and about so many things.

I realized recently how strong the word is. How it can be life changing. Whether it's said to me or whether I say it to someone else. There are many degrees of love. My love for chocolate isn't the same level as my love for my Momma.

When I say I love you I mean it.

Back in the Saddle

After taking a much needed week to heal from surgery I'm back to blogging. After deciding that I was going to wait to do anything about my boy situation until after my surgery I had a pleasant surprise right before surgery. I'm not sure I want to go into a lot of detail about my new man, but I guess to put it into one word...AWESOME! Funny how when you least expect it, WHAM, it happens. More details? You will have to wait. Ya, I'm like that!

Thank you to everyone for the prayers this last week. The surgery itself went wonderful but the recovery has been a little rough. I wasn't expecting a lot of the stuff that happen and to feel the way I did. I'm so thankful my Mom was here to take care of me and get me through. I've cleared my calendar for the month of October to heal and I'm glad I did. I'm going to need it to get back my strength and rest on the weekends after getting through the work week. The hard part will be giving myself permission to rest!

I'm a blessed girl!

Time

Time is measured differently, but always something we use and will never get back. It's sometimes wasted, sometimes over used, but always appreciated. Some wish they had less, most wish they had more. Time does heal, but does not erase.

I'm thankful each day for the time I'm given here on this temporary place. I pray I never live in the past, but always remember, cherish and appreciate it.

Three years ago today time stood still, started again and my life changed forever from that point on. Thank you God, for TIME and the ability to heal.

Hello?

How can one cute little icon make or break my day? My phone lets me know when I have new messages so why do I continue to check it to see if my smart phone forgot to notify me? Is it too much to ask that when you send text messages to boys they actually return the text?

Snuggle Weather

I absolutely love this time of year. I love the weather; I love that it's the end of the year; I love that Hockey season is starting; I love that baseball season is almost over; I love that Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my Birthday and New Year's are just around the corner. What I don't like is being single during this time of year.

Pillows, dogs and dreams are not the same as having someone beside you to snuggle with when the weather turns brisk. If you have that someone beside you, snuggle close and appreciate it from the heart!

Communication

The above came from Pinterest and I love the quote. I think I communicate very well, but I have found that there is a distinct difference between how girls and guys communicate and it's a wonder we all don't end up like Romeo and Juliet! Did you know that girls and boys hear different too? Yep, just try to communicate between the opposite sex and then ask them to tell you what you just said.

Don't hurt him too bad; its the way God made him, call me if you need bail money!

What's your type?

Looking back on the two guys who meant the most to me I realize they could have been brothers in high school. Tall, blond, blue/green eyes, cowboy boots and jeans everyday...sigh...those were the days. Sorry, got distracted on memory lane. Now, as an adult, I'm all over the board. I don't look for the tall and blond; I'm open to whatever touches my heart. They can be bald, tall, thin, lots of hair...they can be the hottest guy on the planet and still treat me like a jerk!

I also have to remember that guys can have the same thoughts. Looking at some of the guys I'm interested in and then looking at their past girlfriends I wonder what in the world they see in me? Why would they even think about dating me? Then, I remember that it's not always about the looks. It's about watching 3 1/2 hours of football and eating chili dogs to impress a guy!

For full disclosure, because I'm that type of girl...tall, hot cowboys in boots and wranglers will still get my butterfly's going each and every time!

It's the little things...

Recently a friend told me that she would think about getting serious about this guy (who is already head over heals for her) when he gave her flowers. She sent a picture over the weekend of the flowers he brought her. I think we all have those little things that make us remember why we feel in love with someone or hope they will do to let us know they care about us. I remember when we were in high school, Wes would bring me Sixlets and stopped by every night when he got off of work; no matter how tired he was he.

Now that I'm single I look back and realize how much I took for granted! It's not that I didn't appreciate it, but I didn't realize how many guys do not have the ability to do those little things that make the butterflies flutter a little more than usual!

Sitting in the middle next to me...

I was on my way home from work tonight and I saw a pickup truck with a male driving and a female in the middle and I couldn't see the third person on the passenger side. As we came up to a stoplight I noticed that there wasn't a third person in the truck. The girl was sitting in the middle of the truck with her man driving. I don't know why, but it struck me as so dang sweet! Who does that now a days? They weren't youngins; they looked to be about my age. I want to know their story. How long had they been together, what keeps that love flowing, what does their love mean to each other that they can't sit apart in the pickup truck?

I went to lunch today with two people who are in the very beginings of falling in love. It made me hope that I too will have that again some day and you better believe I will be sitting in the middle next to him!

Picking up the pieces

So, I've decided that I'm not doing anymore boy drama until after Oct. 1. For those of you not in my immediate "talk about everything and hold nothing back" world...I'm having a breast reduction at the end of September. Due to all of the boys in my life no longer in my life (well, love life) I figure I might as well heal the heart and then decide the next course of action and set sail. Don't worry, this doesn't mean I won't be blogging. Good grief! So many boy topics...so little time!

And I have to share the strangest thing...the entire weekend I wanted a baby. Like I was ready to find a man, get married, adopt and have a baby! Is that not insane? I have not wanted a baby in over four years. Not only did I think my biological clock stopped ticking; I thought it had been sold at a garage sale for .50!! I have to ponder this craziness over the next few weeks. Don't worry, I'm back to normal today. After getting up three times with my Monkey Boy and making sure Baby had covers because she was cold, I remembered how much sleep I require to be a happy campier each day! Oh, and Monkey ate a ketchup packet on the way back from the dog run this morning...I can assure you I will be up with a sick boy the rest of the week. Baby? I have two already! What was I thinking?

Things that make you go hmmm...

So, snoring friend who is only a friend knew I was out with the girls tonight and didn't text me but CALLED me! Knowing, mind you, that I had already left and was starting my fun night. He talked away for a good 15min and in that 15min proceeded to let me know he was going to be out of town for the night at a last minute concert. Weird? He could have just texted me. We certainly didn't make plans and we're just friends...just really don't get it?

Then, the one boy I want to hang with doesn't call or text and that makes me extremely sad. It's really really hard when you like someone that doesn't like you the same way. Its been a hard lesson for this princess that I can't have everything I want.

27yr old is MIA again. Boys!

So, awesome night with my peeps at the football game...so many memories made. I realized tonight that I might have missed out on something being engaged during my jr college stint and I didn't experience the "real" college life...on second thought that's probably a good thing...I already gave my Mom enough grieve (and gray hair, literally) in high school!

What's my name?

This came up today in conversation and Abbey said, "do a blog on it". Abbey what I great idea!

So, the guys in my life right now seem not to know either the first or last names of their guy buddies. I find this extremely weird. They all have nicknames for each other that have nothing to do with their real names. I also find it weird that they don't know anything about each other. Like where they work, where they live, how old are they, etc. Now, they can answer what their buddies like to drink, if they cuss, how far they can pee and if they can burp the alphabet. The same goes for girls. When they talk about girls they don't use their names but call them by something that defines them.

I wonder what my name is?

Holiday Dread

I was told recently that if you want things to happen you have to make them happen. Waiting on dreams to just materialize is pretty juvenile, but we all know by now that I do like to live in my happy place and avoid reality.

So, yesterday I made a decision. I'm not going to spend another three day weekend alone and bored out of my mind! I'm going to make some calls. One call might even be to 27yr old who has been making up for the week+ of quietness. Why not? He can say no or he can say yes. He can think I'm a hussy for even asking or he can think, "wow, so glad she called". Yep, taking matters into my own hands. Aren't rules made to be broken?

PS, I really don't like being dumped. Just saying!

Signs...

No not the movie...which by the way kept me up for weeks and weeks and weeks! Signs in the universe. I'm a believer so I of course think that the signs that show up in my life are the signs that are there by The Lord because I don't get it any other way! I also think that I'm given signs by my guardian angels who look over me because I'm way too much of a mess for The Lord to do it all by Himself. Yes, I know He's all great and everything, but truly, for those that know me know what a HUGE task this is so I can understand Him asking my Great Grandmother Lacy and my Great Aunt Geneva to send some signs to me.

I get most of my signs by dreams. That's the only time in my day that I'm not running my mouth and my mind is actually in a place where I don't think I know it all. So, lately I've been dreaming of relationships...with boys. Now, this isn't necessarily a new thing, but the "in a relationship" thing has NEVER happen before. I've also been having dreams about babies. If you go to dream websites it will tell you that unless you're having a baby dreaming about babies really doesn't have anything to do with babies. There's an entire list of things it means which I won't get into. For my purpose, because I know it all, I'm going to say that's a sign. I don't need everybody sending well wishes and planning baby showers, I'm saying that I think I'm going to be in a relationship with someone that has children. 27yr old texted last night and seems to think that waiting weeks to text me is acceptable behavior so I figure who am I to say different? I have no idea! So, I texted away. A sign. I received another sign today...one that sealed the deal for me...my sweet Katie who did internship stuff for us for a while is engaged. I wish I could have recorded how happy she was and that she would call and tell me (ok to be fair probably all of us at the office) was a sign to me! She is happy and she believes in love and she wants the happy ever after.

The other sign I have to be very careful about, but someone very close to me is moving and leaving my immediate life. It's someone that I rely on and someone that means a lot to me. With this move it means that I have to grow up and truly be an adult. It's scary, but it's a sign. It's time.

Did you all know that The Lord does signs in neon? Ya, ask me how I know this!

Good night...

There are times that I'm extra lonely. When the snow comes down for the first time and there's no one to share it with and snuggle with in front of the fire. Friday nights when I want to go out and eat after cooking or eating cereal all week. When it's been a really long day and I come home only to my two babies who, by the way, become very confused when I start talking to them about my crappy day. When Dale Jr takes the lead or hits the wall. When I crawl into bed each night wanting to snuggle with someone other than my sweet Baby girl. It's always the little things in my world...like an unexpected text that simple says, "good night," by someone special. I'm not so lonely anymore because I know someone is thinking of me at that exact moment in time.

Good night!

Unexpected...

So, I have a little bit of a confession to make. I thought the best man at the wedding I went to on Saturday was cute. He was black. I have never thought I would want to date a black man, but Saturday I was thinking twice. I have found in the this dating world that it's SO important to keep an open mind and try anything once...well the things that are legal of course! I'm posting a picture but it's not a very good one. He unfortunately was not my focus when I was snapping pics (although I didn't take this one either and copied it from the mother of the brides album on facebook...thanks, Janet!). I believe him to be single (he went up for the garter toss) but I don't know if he's in a relationship. I think it was just a fleeting moment...maybe...he got emotional when he did his best man toast...so sweet!

Hope...

After attending the wedding yesterday I have to say that I do know that I will get married again. I hope that it's not for a few more years, but I know what my calling is and that The Lord made me to be a wife. It was confirmed by my friend and co-worker, Brenda. She said some extremely kind words to me on our drive back to town after the wedding. In those words she too confirmed that she sees me marrying again and the Lord is waiting for His timing to bring that special someone into my life. How humbling (and scary) to know that I may or may not have met this person that I will spend my life with?

The wedding was so very beautiful and meaningful and I know that this is the love story they write about and make movies about. Alicia and Eni met in January of this year and at that time Eni knew he had just met his future bride. He felt so strongly about this that he even introduced her that very same night to others in his family so they would know his future bride also. Alicia took a little more time because she has two boys and was protective of her heart and her boys. Eni and Alicia's first date was out to eat and to a movie...with her boys in tow. She knew that if this was "the one" she needed to know how he would do with her boys. They are a family unit and you could just see the love and happiness within this family. I'm so blessed to have been invited to witness this union and to know that true love does exist!

Ps: These were the shoes I wore last nite to the wedding. I don't think my feet are made for princess moments!

Happy Ever After...

I'm going to a wedding today. Yes, I realize I'm hard on love and I sound hypocritical, but it's true, I'm a romantic at heart. I still believe the white night will some day come and save me from my boring chaotic life. I attend weddings because you witness the love of two people and think that it might truly exist! Then I remember how hard marriage was and that I kind of like eating cereal for dinner and leaving my clothes all over the bedroom and not leaving the house on the weekend because I'm into a good book...is there a balance? Isn't that what finding your "soul mate" is all about? Is love worth the risks?

I don't have the answers. I'm just going to go to the wedding in my city sky scrapper heels and my peacock earrings and ring and be the city princess I am and swipe TWO pieces of cake. Oh, and sweat my rear off because the ceremony is outside!!

No sleep...

I have found having boys in my life means that I get very little sleep. It seems the boys in my life are night owls and do not respect my princess schedule and bedtimes. Yes, I can put my phone on silent, but then I might miss something!

My snoring friend that is only a friend needed some help with a family situation. He didn't come over until 10:00 p.m. and then we even went on a little adventure...to Oaklawn...at 11:30 at night. Now, for those of you familiar with Wichita you know that is is a very scary place and I had no business stalking...I mean having an adventure...in Oaklawn at this time of night! But I will admit it was so much fun and there are CRAZY people out that time of night! It was also nice to be doing it with a friend who makes me laugh, makes fun of me and tells me like it is. I'm totally OK with my snoring friend who will never be more than a friend just being a friend!

My light bulb moment last night? Complaining about day TWO of 27yr old not calling me and snoring friend asking me why I'm always sabotaging relationships. I asked him not to talk to me for a block and then I told him I had to process that and get back to him and then told him I didn't need his tough love...and then I was up most of the night processing this and I HATE to admit...he might be right. Bugger!

Until there's a commitment....

Is it wrong to have dates, conversations, events with numerous guys? I'm working in the realm of until I have a commitment of a confirmed relationship I'm enjoying the pond. Right? I think it's important to be upfront about it. How awkward to arrive at a restaurant with a guy on Saturday only to see my date from the night before at the table across from me! Keeping the intimacy part out of the equation helps to make these times just fun, the chance to hang out and the oppurtunity to meet new people. A season of my life that I'm actually enjoying...but I think I need more fish! LOL!

Update: 27yr old didn't text me or contact me last night. Interesting. I made the first move I'll see if he's mature enough to make the second. I'm also relieved to a have my farm boy back in my world. I kind of missed him...but let's keep that between us! Snoring friend that's only a friend wants to watch another movie...debating.

When is young too young?

So, I caved and texted the guy last night my friend was trying to set me up with. SUPER nice and seems like a really great guy. We only texted, but I can already tell he was raised right! Has a great job, just bought a house, has a cat...a few texts into our conversation (yes, I still think this is weird, but for right now I'm kind of liking this weird way of communicating with someone you don't know) he told me he was 27. YIKES! I will be 38 this year! I, kinda, sorta, maybe, totally forgot, well it slipped my mind, well ok...I was freaked out to tell him my age. It was our first three hours of texting so I'm sure it will come up again. And I promise I will not accept a date with him unless we have had that conversation.
BUT, when is to young too young and old too old? Let me hear your thoughts!

Internet dating

Yes or no? I've been wrestling with this option for a while now. It seems some have great results and others have zero results. The key to success? I don't have the answer. I do know that I'm not at the place to got out and meet random guys yet. I don't know what I'm waiting for or when I'll know it's right, if ever, I just know that the thought makes me a little ill. I keep hoping that Mr. Right is just going to walk in my life without much effort on my part (did I mention I have a little bit of princess in me?). Certainly not stepping out of my comfort zone and talking to guys who I don't know, going out on actual dates with guys I don't know and giving myself the chance to meet my Mr. Right who I didn't even know I didn't know....I need to take an anxiety pill...I got myself worked up...

Must love dogs...

To me this seems like an easy thing...All guys I date must love MY dogs. I have had a few people in and OUT of my world that didn't love my dogs and were very upset with me that I treated them like my kids. It's truly a deal breaker. There are very few people that would date a guy who didn't love their kids, so why would I compromise and date someone that didn't love my dogs? And let's be honest here...who wouldn't love my dogs? The dog hair all over the apartment, Baby Sixx licking you to death, Monkey bringing you his blankets and sitting on your feet and breaking them, Monkey confusing his bones with his tennis balls and lobbing them at you, Baby kicking you off HER couch if she doesn't like you, both deciding they have the need to pass gas at intimate moments...well, ummm, ok, love might be a strong world. Must LIKE dogs!

When you know...

A friend whose a boy is only a friend. Clue one: you're invited over to watch a movie and you get all comfy, with pillows and blankets...on opposite ends of the couch. Clue two: 10min into the movie established friend is sound asleep...snoring! Clue three: as the movie is ending and he's waking up he gives you a friends phone number as "the perfect guy for me".

I probably should have left when the snoring started, but did I mention the BIG screen bachelor pad TV and oh so comfy leather couch? SNORING! Man, I'm loosing my touch! Huge hit on the ego friends...HUGE!

Reunited and it feels so good...

NOT! I've been involved with two guys now, a minute out of their divorces, that seem to still be connected at the hip to their exes! I don't get it? I don't give second chances. You hurt me your done. I realize that kids add an element of connection, but to get back together? Forgiveness is hard for me on many levels, but I still don't get the we're divorced but I will take you back and the bad times won't exsist? I will always love Wes, after 18 years I don't know how I couldn't, but it's a different love and not the love you have when your married and spending the rest of your life with someone!

My new rule is no dating a guy that's had a break up unless its 6 months out...a year even better. I just can't compete with a memory! AND I don't feel I should continue to be the one that gets them through the "tough times I've been there it gets better" phase to be dumped when everything is going great and they don't need a nurse maid anymore!

Are there any normal, good guys out there?

Do girls call?

I have been faced with a dilemma. To text a guy who I have never met, know very little about or even if he truly knows there's a chance I might be texting...or not? And is it weird to text instead of call? A friend gave me a number of a buddy who he knows will be someone I would "have a lot of fun with". Well, OK, thanks, but I don't call or text guys first! Call me old fashion but when did girls become so desperate? If a guy is interested he should make the first move! And if the guy is too shy then I know he's not the guy for me because I don't do shy! And for some reason this friend refuses to give the guy my number which makes it all the more strange and weird, right? Yes, I realize that this may be my Mr. Right and because I have "rules" I might miss the chance of a life time. But I truly believe that The Lord wouldn't put Mr. Right in my life and expect me to make the first move!? I don't even know if this guy likes dogs and if he owns a pair of cowboy boots!